Todays Thoughts

[Dark Boy]

Todays Thoughts: Life is passing me by... i'm dating a girl i don't love because i don't want to hurt her feelings..... The girl i do love knows about it, and knows how i feel about her, and she loves me back... But were not going to start dating anytime soon. The idea of a realtionship alone feels sufficating to me and her. Sometimes i fear fighting....Okay, i fear it all the time. Is it because i'm afraid of losing again? Or is it because i'm aware of the damage i can do to another person. I don't know. I know that right now i don't want to deal with church. I'm not trying to be hateful in anyway, but when i went i felt sufficated, ended up getting saved out of fear. They make it seem so great, so easy, but afterwards there are rules, and you can't do's and alot of other things as well. I just want to get away from it all. where as my issues aren't that serious, they won't get out of my head. i just wish that i could realive my self of it some how. church says that i should speak to god... then i'll have to wait for a sign that lets me know what to do, but i can take anything as a sign. so that won't work. My gf is quiet and just follows me around like a lost puppy instead of just walking up to me and asking me to walk with her. my love says i need to relax, but its not that easy. My home boy laughs and calls me a bitch. punching him in the face a few times makes me feel alil easy, but the issues are often still there when i come back to reality.... i'm just gonna keep up what i'm doing now till i get an idea. If anyone reads this i want you to know that i made this post because i feel safe here, if u have nothing nice at all or anything helpful to put, then please don't waste our time doin it. thank you for your time.
"There is know agony like holding in an untold story" -Maya Angelo

(Random thought) - it would be cool if they made the Aizen avatar change back in forth from the good one to the bad one

[Black_Rain7]

well i have advice maybe

plus im not gonna insult you

plain and simple: break up with the mouse
and if church is doing that to you aswell, then break up with church for a while


doesnt god want you to be happy? then do what it takes to make yourself happy. apparently it isnt with that church. if it's a family thing then tell them how you fell, they may help. you never know what parents/family have to offer.

and as for your love...
talk to her more
maybe just take things slow in a relationship. maybe moving too fast has screwed you over like it did to me for a while. just back away from it all and take a breather.

[ayane20]

I won't insult you either. You obviously put your soul into this thread and I will personally pwn anyone who comes here and acts like a jerk.

With that said, do you care about the girl you're with at all? Because if you do you need to let her go fro her sake. I've been right where you're at and believe me it'll hurt her more to know what you're doing. The longer you stay, the worse it'll be and you need to be a freind to her because even if you don't love her she loves you and you don't disrepect a person's love. Its very hurtful.

As for the thing with church and God. Be honest. I'm assuming you go to a church where they asked you to come to the front and repeat after them and you were saved, yada yada. The scripture goes like this.

9That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

The way I see it if you didn't believe it it had no affect anyway. I agree with Black Rain on this one a bit. God wants you to be happy. At the same time a Christian walk is one with consequences and a belief system that comes along with it. Never do something out of fear. real christians walk christ's path out of love. If you're not ready to do that don't let anybody push you into because thats not God's way. You shouldn't be scared into it, or any other negative emotion that would compel you to do something you're obviously not ready for.

Your spirituality and life that you lead with whomever you love is not a game. Not to mention life aint supposed to stress you out like this. Know this, you need to leave that girl immediately. Do it nicely but depending on how she feels about you, you all might not remain friends. I know that it sounds harsh and it will be very difficult to do, but she'll respect you and you'll respect yourself for doing the right thing in the end. You gotta understand that you're leading her on in your own way and its not fair to her.

With the new chick, I dont know what to tell you about her. Personally I think its weird that she's with you while you're with the other girl. You might wanna ignore me from here on out because I'm biased against women that do this. I think that they're deceptive and manipulative and not out for anyones best interest. Really thats male or female. I just find it hard to believe that she loves you while you're not with her and that she doenst wanna be "suffocated"? It seems to me that you might wind up in the same situation that your present girl is in and Karma is a three-legged goat-whore that killed her first five husbands slowly by poisining them so imagine what she'll do to you.......

[Raphin]

Black Rain and Ayane are right you should do that
and you don't have to be with someone you don't love
it's very kind of you to stay with her but it hurts you more than it's going to hurt her if you break up with her

[NNeves]

Having experience may strong emotions throughout my life, go with your heart. I've dated several girls/women, it all comes down to trust, even if you don't have strong emotions for her now. Maybe one day down the road you'll realize that she was perfect for you, just that your mind led you the wrong way.

I've dated over 70 girls/women, had just over 30 relationships, I regret one...

[EmilyKey]

All you really have to do is breathe hun. The rest will take care of itself. I agree with Black Rain. You need to break up with the girl that you dont love, and church isnt for everyone. If you don't see the point, dont do it. It only causes more frustration for you. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time, but there seems to be alot of people here, that care about you and want to help you through it, so hopefully that will take the edge off. Just smile and go thru the motions until everything seems natural again.

[NNeves]

In order for someone to balance themselves, they need to look within themselves. Always remember that someone else has it harder and tougher then you. Self awareness is keen as this will help you in seeing things for what they are. Kinda hard to explain over a forum, but I'm sure someone will lay it down for ya.

(at work or I'd write something far more proper)