Singers who CAN'T sing

[kazetsukai]

Found this on the net. haha.

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Singers Who Can't Sing
Posted Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:54am PST by Shawn Amos in GetBack


Everyone is still having a fit about Kanye West's SNL performance of "Heartless" the other week. Did he lip-synch? Didn't he? The debate misses the bigger issue: Kanye can't sing.

Truth be told, ability is not always the most important thing when it comes to singing. The proper amount of attitude, charm, and self-deprecation go a long way to replace actual vocal chops. Ask David Lee Roth and Bob Dylan, two dudes who can't sing a note but make up for it with sheer chutzpah (and in Dylan's case, an ungodly amount of lyrical prowess). Singers who know they can't sing are always forgiven.

Kanye, however, broke the cardinal rule of bad singing. He stepped outside of his preapproved vocal zone.

No one expects Kanye to sing. In fact, no one wants Kanye to sing, because we know he can't. Write an insanely catchy melody? Yes. Continue to be the biggest ego on the planet? Yes. These are the things we want from our Kanye. But when he begins to think he can pull off a ballad by actually singing it? That's when he's gone too far.

There are two kinds of bad singers in the world: the ones who kid themselves into thinking they're good (Kanye) and the ones who try too hard — all the time. These are the Mariahs, Beyonces, and Christinas (although Ms. Aguilera is learning; her Nina Simone tribute on the Grammy nomination show this month was remarkably restrained). These performers wring the last bit of life out of every note. Just because you can sing every octave perceptible to the human ear doesn't mean you have to. These singers don't know when to hold back. They are perpetual vocal grandstanders, sucking all of the oxygen out of the room.

Here are some other legendary bad singers. I'll avoid easy targets, like Yoko Ono and Michael Bolton. Yes, she inspired the B-52s. Who cares? And Bolton has received his punishment for butchering so many songs by being relegated to "Where are they now?" status. Time has passed him by, and we won't be hearing from him again.

These folks are ones who won't go away and, worse yet, won't learn to sing. Know your enemy, my friends. Protect yourselves.

CELINE DION

She's the grande dame of song killers, insisting on suffocating every song with sincerity. Oh, Celine is so sincere. She demands that you love her and her songs. She forces herself on a song like a bad date.

MADONNA
The problem with Madonna (or, I should say, one of the many problems) is that she’s built a career on being a diva, and divas need to sing. No amount of line dancing, costume changes, or bodybuilding can hide the fact that she can't sing.


ANTHONY KIEDIS
The Red Hot Chili Peppers is one of the most musical bands around. Flea, Frusciante, and Chad are the some of the most talented dudes to ever groove together. If only they had a better singer. I could deal with Anthony until "Under the Bridge.” A great tune but way outside of his approved vocal zone. He’s much better when he's doing his "Give It Away" mumble-rap thing.

FRED DURST
Here's another one of these "I think I'll sing a ballad 'cause I can rap" dudes. And to add insult to injury, he tried out his vocal chops on the Who's epic "Behind Blue Eyes.” Aside from the fact that he has no inherent sensitivity to the song, HE CAN'T SING! It makes me mad to this day.

CHRIS BROWN

There was a time when a certain type of entertainer was called a "song-and-dance man.” The description assumed that the entertainer actually knew how to sing and how to dance. Michael Jackson, Cab Calloway, Jackie Wilson, James Brown? All song-and-dance men. I'll even give you Justin Timberlake. Chris Brown? Dance man. Definitely a dance man. Keep dancing, Chris.

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Mine:

MILEY CYRUS

Remember the song "Just Stand Up?" You know, the song where the great women artists sang their hearts out for people with cancer. The happiness, the beauty... And the... Miley? God, she ruined it. I was wincing so bad that I switched the chanel. xD


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Care to add more? Oh wait, I forgot to add something. *ehem* This segment is pruely optional. The opinion and words said by anybody in particular will not affect the standing and integration of Bleach-network.

[byakuya17]

XD all above 2 me their music and them are not any good at all..no offence to those who are their fans but i dont like the music listed above..indeed singers who cant sing..XD
and you could add falloutboy to ur singers who cant sing list..cuz i mean they are just fallout..XD..if you know what i mean..and they are not any good and they cant sing..i feel like throwing upp if i listens 2 them and i dont listen to them i just felt like that when i first heard a song from them so they basiclly they cant sing at all..XD

falloutboy:
in the music video Fall Out Boy - I don't care [Official Music Video]..like what some random ppl in it kinda said: they dont rock..

me says:..their kinda like wannabe rock or something..and well also the lyrics they sing misary and i dont care and they repeat stuff like that over and over wich is just lame..they are just not any good at all..they are singers who cant sing..

[fidosdeader]

wow kaze nice info... kinda surprise that kanye cant sing... hyuu~ mine is emm maybe falloutboy... but some of their song are cool but not 4 i dont care... edit; jonas brother also sucks!!

[Vergil the Fallen]

Miley Cyrus, boy bands like Jonas Brothers are stupid fools who can't sing even if they had a gun jammed up their behind forcing them to sing. They wanted fame and money, nothing else. No musical talent whatsoever. I hope they die soon so that the world can have lesser wannabe bad singers like them.

[rcahel]

Lol...u`re..real..hard..Verg..even..if..i..do..thi nk...that..Miley..n..Jonas..Brothers...are..not... great..singers
but..there..music..is..quite..good..thought!!!Well ..i..sing..too..but..i..can`t..stand..Celine..Dion `s..voice..though!!!!Man..she`s
always..screaming!!!!!!
But..good..info..kaze.....Interesting..one...WOW !!!!!!KANYE..DOESN`T..KNOW..HOW..TO..SING???!!!!Bi g..astonishment..here!!!!

[carlitx]

Agreed with all singers listed, and I bet I could name more. here is one: Ashlee Simpson. lol

[mk7kombat]

Wow I can't believe 2 of my favs are on there O_O. The need to provide proof for both Celine Dion and Maddonna because the person who wrote this article on Yahoo is using fallacious reasoning more specifically "ad hominem" where people like (Celine and Maddonna) are personally attacked verbally instead of being critiqued on their work which in this case is their ability to sing. I first fell in love with Celine Dion's singing when I watched Titanic..I bought the CD the next day xD. Also Maddona also has great music such as Frozen and others , sorry would think of more but just got up.


@ Cartlix: lmao...yes she should definitely be on that list. They even made fun about it on Family guy...epic xD.

The people who I think cant sing atm are many rappers and rock singers because half of their $h!T sounds like they had just stolen a toddlers book and using their noobish rhymes they decided to make it into a song...and the public who listens to them is just as retarded because they don't focus on the content of the lyrics, but more like "omg I love her/him...omg omg...I cant wait to buy the CD."

[Vergil the Fallen]

I wanted to add something. The list is okay but Anthony Keidis? Come on. He is an awesome singer. Without him, there would be no RHCP. The band has some unique music and that can only be done if their vocalist has a unique voice and Anthony has it. Shawn Amos, the dude who wrote the article may prefer singers like Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys which means he is a damn douche bag for including Anthony on the list.

[ken13]

yeah i think kanye need to stick to rapping. Also the jonas bros. need to be on that list. i mean what boy or men listens to them anyway.

[Darth Kenshin]

Yeesh. Got a lot to say on this topic. That list is ridiculous. Celine Dion has one of the most amazing voices of all time. I'm not a fan of that kind of music (if I'm listening to girls, it's gonna be R&B) but you can't tell me she can't sing. Kiedis is also great. One of the hardest things of singing is elocution. What makes Kiedis so great is that even in songs when he's singing pretty fast (Tell Me Baby, Snow, songs like that) he enunciates every syllable and you can understand him. Maybe he doesn't have the most powerful voice in the world (keeps a pretty even tone for the most part) but it's still solid. And he's great in Under The Bridge. No clue what that dude is talking about. Also, you can't single out Fred Durst. He's great for that kind of band (Serj from System of a Down, the tool from Slipknot, etc.). If you're gonna throw him under the bus, you have to include all the screamers in rock. Chris Brown's voice isn't bad. Keep in mind he's real young (he was 16 when his first album came out). His voice will go through a lot of changes still. Give it time before you jump to conclusions.

Now, as for people I don't think can sing. I don't really listen to the Disney/kid pop stuff, so I won't comment on Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana (although she covered Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" and it was awful, but that's not fair cause no one can walk in those shoes) and people like that. Obviously, the non-singers who come out with albums (Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff) have no voices, and the people who are only singers because of their looks (Britney, Pussycat Dolls). Then there are people with great voices who just don't know how to sing (Christinan Aguilera's horrendous overuse of melissma). Then there are people whose voices aren't aesthetically nice, but it fits their style (Axel Rose, Robert Plant, Alanis Morisette, Macy Gray). I don't wanna go on forever, though. Needless to say, it's a very subjective topic.